The Story of Our Wedding

I'm going to put some effort into not being sarcastic in this blog posting. Although it rules my life and personality more so than I'd like to admit... I think that speaking about a wedding should be sarcastic free and to simply tell the story of the wonderful day I had on July 23, 2011.

Let’s start with the rehearsal dinner on Friday, July 22, 2011. Everyone in the wedding party (minus Lennie due to working) showed up together at Boston Pizza in Kincardine. We ate.

The wedding day was a pretty good day. The night before all the girls (Laura, Anna, Sara, and Michelle and I) all stayed in the honeymoon suite at the Best Western. Laura, Sara, and I slept in the King sized bed. I felt bad for Sara since Laura and I refused to sleep in the middle. Sara graciously accepted that she would be stuck between two full-grown women, snoring and drooling in her face. Luckily for her, she slept like a baby that night. Sadly, I know this for a fact since I was the only one laying wide awake the whole night and in turn had her snoring and drooling in my face.

I'm unsure why this is the case. I wouldn't blame it on excitement, because quite frankly I wasn't excited. I think I'll confidently blame it on being nervous as sh*t (oh... there goes my sarcastic-free blog posting) about the day to come...

My 7AM alarm finally went off, after I lay in bed for a few hours wondering when it would go off and set me free from the sleep I was lacking and get started with the day. I actually became concerned that the alarm hadn’t gone off and it was actually 8:30 in the morning or something. So I picked up my phone to see 6:59AM, before I could set it back down the clock hit 7:00AM and my alarm went off.

I hopped in the shower so I wouldn’t wreak as I walked down the aisle and to shave my legs as it’s imperative that Darrin take off my garter with his teeth (who came up with this idea?!). Of all the days, and all the times and hours spent shaving my legs it is rare that I cut myself. And if I do its somewhere on my knee or a place unnoticeable. On this special day; however, I chose to cut the front of my leg, side of my leg and both ankles. I personally think that Gillette should have a warning on their razors letting the public know that you could die from loss of blood when you “nick” yourself in the shower on your wedding day. It looked like I was in the Vietnam War! Anyway, once I was done cleaning up the blood from my razor accident… I got out of the shower, threw on my “Bride” shirt and headed to First Impression’s to get our hair did.

There were pictures taken of us girls preparing for the trip to the hair salon, but I have been threatened, and my life would be on the line (more so than my incident with my razor) if I were to make these photo’s public. Four angry and tired women, up too early in the AM with no make-up on. It’s apparently like trying to make a joke about Hitler to Satan… don’t do it.

Once we got to the hair salon, Champaign and orange juice was poured while the girls got their hair put into curlers. Each girl would go and get their hair did while the rest were talked into getting fake eye lashes. Anna took the plunge and went first. We all gathered around her and watched a lady put what smelled and looked like tar on individual little lashes and brushed them into Anna’s eyelashes. They looked AMAZING, so we all fell in love and did them for ourselves. Each application for each girl took 45-60 minutes. I did mine while under the impression that they’d last me 1-2 months. I was extremely happy with them, so was Anna and my Mum. Now I didn’t have to worry about applying those God forsaken eyelashes that I bought at Sephora; which I knew would be a pain in my arse later on in the day when I would be applying my make-up.

Soon enough it was my turn to get my hair done. I made a joke about how much hairspray Rachel (the hair lady) was using and she admitted that when she does a wedding party she usually goes thru half a bottle of hairspray per girl. I nearly died. Not only myself, but that women should be wearing a face mask! You see all the acrylic nail ladies wearing masks because that sh*t can be poisonous to breathe in, but Rachel sprays adhesive around her face daily. Could just be me but perhaps hair salon’s are as bad as being a coal miner. But… that’s just me.

Finally my hair was done and everyone was happy with theirs. It was 12:30 now and my photographer was due at the honeymoon suite at noon, so I was slightly freaking out – but still a free record for any Bridezilla comments or actions.

We got back to the hotel room where everyone gathered in the room and helped each other put on their make-up. I think what I struggled with the most was getting my contacts on my damn eyeballs. I’ve done this before, but apparently that day was the day my contacts were meant to fall in the sink a dozen times. Luckily I was willing to get pink eye in order to be able to see for my wedding day. Luckily, no pink eye was had.

The wedding ceremony was scheduled to start at 2PM and the church is a good 12 minutes away from the hotel, so I had to take that into consideration as well. By the time my make-up was done, my contacts were in and my fake boobies were applied… it was 1:30. It was now time to discuss who’s car we’re going to take, get on my dress, finish pictures and oh yeah… eat. None of us had eaten… anything yet. Laura helped me get into my dress behind closed doors while the girls, Mum and photographer waited in the other room. I was just as nervous opening up the door for the “reveal” as I was for walking down the aisle. I knew my Mum would be a heaping bag of tears and God only knew how my bridesmaids would react… but I had to do it, apparently this was a big moment?... My sister opened the door and I distinctly remember watching everyone light up in excitement. Although I was extremely uncomfortable and actually wanted to cry from a form of embarrassment… it made me feel good to see that everyone loved my dress. My Mum started crying; which queued me to tell her to be quite and suck it up. Also, keep in mind I wasn’t completely serious… but maybe just a bit deep, deep down because I didn’t want anyone crying over me.

A few pictures were taken, a few discussions over whose car we’re taking and off we went. Before anything else… I also may or may not have taken a shot of vodka… from the bottle. Okay… I took two shots. Then we gathered up our things and… okay three shots of vodka… but no more than that! Fine… I had four. Anyway… we were on our way.

Of course it was necessary for me to say that I needed food. At this point I had Champaign, hairspray and vodka in my stomach but no food. So… Anna, Sarah (the photographer), my sister and I went thru the McDonald’s drive thru to fetch a cheeseburger. Everyone had their own… and mine was done before we got out of the parking lot. That was the best cheeseburger I’ve ever had in my life.

The drive seemed to have taken forever. Longer than I ever remember it being. Perhaps it was because I kept looking at the clock as we were running late. Not too late, I think we got there at 2:08.

As we drove up the road towards the church, I could see the steeple above the trees and I realized that that whole building was full of family and friends, waiting for Darrin and me to say our vows. A moment and thought I hadn’t considered. All these people drove and agreed to be there for us at this special time. It made me feel special!

The moment of truth was fast approaching me. I spent a full 365 days (proposed to July 23, 2010 and married July 23, 2011) planning this wedding. I spent an entire year of my life dedicated to the small, and what I considered, silly and expensive details to make this day special for us. It was all here, at this moment as I drove to the church. It’s how I imagined giving birth (since I don’t have a child, it’s still an image but…) your water breaks – there’s no turning back, that baby is coming out of your body in a painful and non-graceful way. My water broke… I was being driven to my destination. Although I knew it wouldn’t be a painful and non-graceful wedding with a widening vagina… I still thought of it as a “no return policy”. I was getting married, no matter how nervous I was.

I wasn’t scared to marry the man of my dreams, nor did I have any doubts in my mind that this was the best and most perfect decision I could have possibly made. It was a matter of walking down the aisle and showing my love to him in front of 100 people. If I could do this on a beach, just Darrin and I, it would be ideal. But the idea of having to present myself, walk down an aisle and say my vows loud enough for the huge room of people to hear made me feel like I was in a play, performing for an audience. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around something that is considered intimate and special to be broadcasted. Ideally, this type of setting was not for me. The fact that 100 people would be looking at me, walk down an aisle, all dressed up. All this effort for this moment was really hard to justify. I guess I’m just too realistic? I was more confused than ever, that I spent so much time, effort, tears, and money on this one moment. This moment was almost here and so many emotions were running to me. Excitement (for the first time thru this whole process) to marry the man of my dreams, to see my handsome fiancé in his tux, to melt when he smiles and to promise my life to him. I was also nervous for the inevitable “water breaking” moment. Scared that I might fall flat on my face. And actually a little angry that my Dad wouldn’t be there.

So many emotions, so little time.

This was it, I was at the church. All the cars were parked outside and everyone was patiently waiting inside. Our minister was waiting in the hot sun with Michelle, Sara and My Mum. I watched them as they watched me in my white dress, pull into the parking lot. The second I get out, our minister met me at the car door asking “do you have the rings?” That moment I had no prepared for… now I’m not only feeling scared, nervous, excited, and angry but also “oh sh*t”. I forgot the rings. A moment of panic shot thru her eyes, but she quickly resumed to her patient self and said “no problem, we’ll take care of it”. At this point I was like “whatever, I don’t care… get me married and out of here!”

I walked up to the doors to see Jack waiting for me to arrive. He said Darrin was waiting in the basement and that he would go queue him to go upstairs and wait for me 

I got butterflies, flying around in my stomach excited to see my husband.

I could hear people talking in the church. It had a friendly and excited sound to it; which made me happy. It was a humming noise of laughter and talk. My girls quickly placed themselves on the stairs waiting for the pianist to start playing the song of which we’d walk down the aisle to. When the music started to play, I got chills as I could hear everyone stand up and prepare for that moment… my water breaking…

One by one, the girls started down the aisle. I could see them start their journey as nervous as I was for that moment. I actually felt bad that I made them go thru this and was hoping for forgiveness once it was all over. I never thought of this, but I made them dress up in pretty dresses, put on make-up, and sent them down an aisle with 200 eyeballs looking at them. Sorry, girls!

First it was Michelle, then Anna, Sara, and then my sister. All walking down to the music, avoiding the giant 150 year old grate in the middle of the aisle that would easily make you either A) break your leg, back or ankle or B) successfully plant your face on the floor.

Next was me. I was already holding tightly onto my Mum’s arm with my faux bouquet of flowers in my other hand, shaking and sweating. At this point, I think I was so nervous that I felt nothing. My face was numb – I had no control over my facial expression… I was worried about seeing pictures of me walking down the aisle as I couldn’t control how I looked at this point… luckily, my excitement to see my groom was more powerful than my fear of the “walk” and I had a smile on my face 

I walked up the final step, worried of stepping on my dress. I saw Jan, a lady I work with that I invited to the wedding (her and I are close and very supportive of each other). She was my first memory of this big moment… she smiled at me and I smiled back.

I let out a sigh and allowed my Mum to give me the nudge to start my walk. I remember looking down, taking a few steps and then looking up to a room full of people I knew and loved. All these people were here to see me… everyone had smiles on their face and camera’s in their hand. I wanted to see who was all there, but didn’t have enough time or enough brain power to scan the room. I needed to focus on my walk – one foot in front of the other. Right, left. Right, left. Now… where’s my groom?? I couldn’t see him and I needed him there at the end of the aisle to take my hand! Everyone told me that I should keep my eyes on Darrin to help me thru this walk, but he wasn’t there. The end of the aisle looked cluttered and busy to me. Too many people were standing there and the one person I needed and wanted the most wasn’t there. Before I knew it, I was in the front of the church. The minister then said “you walked too quickly” and that was my first moment of “shut up and let it be!” We did walk down the aisle a little quickly. To this day people keep saying that we “jogged” down the aisle. Quite honestly, I don’t know who lead, my Mum or myself and I am not going to sit and ponder whose fault it was… if it was me leading – it was me running the marathon… and I can’t be upset with my Mum if she was leading because I would have done the same. Clearly, without thinking, my mind was saying “get this over with!”

Then, in the corner of my eye… I saw my handsome groom. He looked amazing. He had a smile on his face that I had never seen before. I thought I knew this man, I thought I knew who I was marrying… but this smile was different. It was a smile of ease and love. A sigh of relief was beaming from his eyes and I knew that my presence there was his medicine to his nerves. You could tell that he was excited, you could tell that he was in love and it made it that much better to know that it was all because of me. At this point, I was fine. Nothing made me nervous, scared, or angry – all I could think about was “I’m here and ready to make this official”. It was weird for me to feel nothing at this point, as this was the most intimidating place for me to be… but it put me at ease standing next to him.

Every few minutes, I’d look over at him and we’d smile at each other. It was cute.

The minister went on and on about… I have no idea. We had asked her to say specific things, etc but she said none of what we had requested. I had noted this while standing for 45 minutes waiting for her to say something familiar… but nothing. A ramble here and there about us and how she perceived us; which were nice thoughts… but… whatever. Then the moment happened… the word that would create a dominos effect of laughter, second looks, and inside jokes… Darrin became a Darryl. This woman had met with us on a few occasions, knew our names, said his name four times during the ceremony and then suddenly threw in a Darryl. I don’t care, it was funny… but everyone snickered and she never noticed. Poor Darryl 

Then we had our kiss… which was quick because I don’t like public affection (overrated) and then we went to the corner to sign our life away. I liked it  I’ll sign it any day, 1,000,000 times for Darrin – as long as he’s my husband.

At this point, I think my blog posting is long enough. This part of the day was the most emotional and exciting time and I wanted to write about it. Everything else fell together perfectly (minus Lennie not having a tux and our first dance song cutting off right before Darrin dipped me) but without those glitches, it wouldn’t be a good story.

It was worth it…

Things To Be Thankful For

My wonderful Mother-in-Law threw me a beautiful bridal shower a few weekends ago. She prepared quotes and speeches and this was one of my favorite:

Don't complain about having to pay taxes,
It means you have a job.
Don't complain about being overweight,
It means you have food on the table.
Don't complain about cleaning your home,
It means you have a roof over your head.
Don't complain about heating costs,
It means you have a home with heat.
Don't complain about having to go to the Doctor,
It means you have health care.
Don't complain about having to vote,
It means you have freedom of speech.
Don't complain about having to buy groceries,
It means you don't have to hunt for them.
Don't complain about your kids,
It means you have the ability to conceive them, care for them and love them.

... Some people aren't so lucky.

Re-evaluate your life and be thankful for living in Canada, be thankful you have fat on your bones to keep you warm and if not - that you have a house with heating in the winter. Don't complain about your job, because 9,000 people in London alone are still looking for one.
Look out your window and be glad you can see the sun, feel the wind and smell the air.

I've noticed way too many people are focusing on the wrong things in life. Facebook is crawling with negativity. Suck it up, buttercup - it's really not that bad.

New Car (and other crap)

Okay, okay, okay...

When I was 16 and got my G1 I had already seen people get their license, buy a car and then lose their car and be in debt for something they didn't have at such a young age. I witnessed my parents struggle for money to pay for the alternator to be fixed when I was 10 years old and always said to myself "not me".

From the age of 8 months to 13 years, I lived in good'ol Point Clark; a.k.a. the Pits of Hell. I call it this because this place really is what Satan would create for moderately offensive people to spend eternity in. The bottom of a hill, along a lake so scummy you can't swim in it on streets called "Adawandran", "Menomini" and the best of all "Kick-A-Poo". Guess what street name I grew up on?? Anyway, another reason for this hell-ish residential living situation - you had to drive 15 minutes to get to a store, work, school, play. So... my parents needed a car in order to provide for their family. Basically anyone living in Kincardine, Point Clark or Ripley need a car for survival.

Watching my parents struggle with car payments, car insurance and fixings made me realize that having a car is not necessary, especially when you live in a city with buses. So I made the choice that as long as it's my responsibility to care, pay, and maintain a car - it wouldn't be mine.

So I've lived a life thus far without a vehicle. Sure when I was 18 I drove around Kincardine like a maniac in the J-to the etta for a few years, listening to 50 Cent and creeping on my tattooo artist, but it was never MINE. I never wanted to take the plunge and pay for a car, I didn't think they were that important.

Since I've been in London, I haven't necessarily had the need to buy one. I either A) Take the bus (this is a whole other story) or B) Darrin drives me around in his sweet automobile. But all of a sudden I realized that I have no independence! Non! If I want to go somewhere I either have to wait around for 15 minutes to get on the bus and be molested (yes, a guy humped me on the bus and a lady also told me to keep my legs closed because she got pregnant and got fat - true stories) or ask Darrin for his permission to use his car. At a certain age - both these become rather saddening that I am 24 years old and cannot make these decisions on my own.

I felt as though I was a kid living with their parents again and asking permission to leave the house. It all made the difference for me when I was offered a full-time permanent position at Western (three weeks ago). All of a sudden I was aware of so many things: A) I'm 24. B) I'm getting married. C) I have job security and a career. D) I have a house. E) I can drink. F) I can be in porno movies if I wanted to. G) I can smoke cigarettes. and H) I can get pregnant and no one's reactions would be "you know you can do something about that", but I don't have a car! I sat and pondered about my situation... when Darrin leaves for his hockey I stay at home... when I want to go visit my family - Darrin has to either A) Give me permission or B) come with me.

It's a hassle for EVERYONE. Not just myself.

So I took the plunge and started looking for a car.

Lessons learned from this experience:

1) You cannot, no matter how hard you try, find a car for $2000 that has been saftied, e-tested and has good kilometres. It just won't happen.

2) A good car that'll get you from A-B without blowing up, costs more than you thought you could handle.

3) The car salesman guy will ask you 13 times in a period of 45 minutes if you want to sign the contract before you've even test-driven the car.

4) The bathrooms in the dealership are strictly for men and they do not consider that women have to sit on the pee-infested toilet seat (have you not been using that thing since you were 3? Learn to aime!)

5) Buying a car takes a minimum of 3 hours for paperwork, filing, questionaires and scenerio talk.

6) Earl, the guy I bought my car from has no front teeth.

7) To never bring your dog with you... he'll think the dealership is his and bark at everyone who walks in the door... for 3 hours... straight...

I feel like such a grown-up now. I walked onto the lot, asked to test-drive a car, was given the keys and went for a spin. And then I got to make the executive decision without consulting anyone. It was amazing! I have wheels now! Wheels of my own that is going to let me have independence!!! Yipee!!!

Peception

PERCEPTION

. . . Something To Think About . . .


THE SITUATION

In Washington DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At 6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the DC Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Chernobyl and Other Crap

Yesterday as I stood at my desk waiting for the IT dude to finish his magic on my computer - the graduate chair of the department and myself were discussing where Darrin and I should go for our honeymoon.

I've had this discussion before with students in Civil Engineering, when I worked there. Why not? 90% of my students were International and have done more travelling that I ever will, why not ask!

First mistake: Don't say to an Egyptian student that you want to go to Egypt for your honeymoon. At first you'll think the world ended, but then realize that your comment is just so retarded that people forgot how to react, other than having their jaws hit the ground.

I get it, maybe Egypt isn't the most romantic place on Earth - but we're leaving that all for the night of the wedding, right? Haha... Anyone who's been married is on the same page as me "you'll be too tired".

Okay, anyway - we won't get into the nitty-gritty details of our wedding night just yet. I'm sure I'll have a blog posting about that too. Just kidding. Or am I?

So apparently Egypt is really not the place I want to go. I guess I imagined a not-so-romantic-get-away for my honeymoon. I just always imagined it being an adventure. I know couples who worked in foreign countries for months for their honeymoon - just for the experience.

Personally, sitting on a beach, drinking pina colada's all day, baking in the sun, listening to the ocean bubble on the coral just doesn't sound... well actually... F*ck... now I want to go!

That's besides the point... I want to go somewhere where I'm not bored on the first day. I get antsy when I can't do anything. I want to be able to go somewhere different every day, meet new people, see different cultures, experience other lifestyles. You're only on this planet once and you want to spend the entire time in one country? Eating the same food? Listening to the same laugage? I sure as hell don't!

I'm no longer considering Egypt because, quite frankly, I'm afraid of people's reactions when I tell them that I'm going there. So to avoid awkwardness (that sadly surrounds my life no matter what I do; if you read my facebook I'm sure you're aware that I've been in meetings with my shirt undone, gone to work with pee-soaked shirts and randomly run into walls)... I'm not going.

Yesterday I was having a discussion with a few people regarding my honeymoon. In my new position - people are trying to learn new things about me as the new person and my wedding always seems to be that topic of conversation. So honeymoon talk it is.

Guess where I want to go!!! I finally figured it out, I'm all gung-hoe about it, excited to tell the world. And when I say the name... people are stunned.

"What? Why would you ever go there?"

I get it, okay? I get that it's random, weird and quiet honestly - retarded.

Chernobyl.

UMM HELLO!!! You don't want to go to an ENTIRE city abandoned for 25 years?! How eerie would that be?

I'm sorry, but that's something insanely interesting for me. I go to run-down houses and take pictures and get a high off the eerieness. If those walls could talk, I'd listen for hours. I love that type of stuff. I love that it allows your mind to wander, the possibilities of the last person who stood in the same room, what they were thinking (and in this case) what they were going thru! I love untouched things, considering we live on a planet that is touched by everything, including people, buildings, farms, roads, parking lots, houses and radiation.

It's rare that you get the opportunity to see something that hasn't had the opportunity to be taken over by man (again, in this case). It's amazing.

Anyway, I watched some Youtube videos on this place and I almost died. I want to go so badly! I want to walk around the city and imagine what it was like when it was alive, busy and happy.

Now that my decision has been made. Now that I have said it outloud. Now that EVERYONE things I'm either insane, or retarded... my next mission is: to get Darrin to agree to this.

....Wish me luck!!!

Wedding Planning

Shoot me. Now!

I've noticed throughout my blog postings that I have made that request, perhaps, a few too many times. May I remind you that I'm extremely sarcastic and do not, in fact, want anyone to shoot me in the face... however, I will continue to make the request when I am in a need for a quick fix of release from this down-right, ridiculous wedding planning!

First thing I've learned upon getting engaged and starting to plan a wedding... no matter how often you hear that it's your day and that everything revolves around you... this is not the case. People's opinions start becoming heavier and heavier as the plans become more official. The closer you get to the day, the more opinions come out. At this point... I would prefer to run away, still...

The closer I am getting to this day, makes me worry about it. I want to make sure that I live the dream, like all young girls do when they have Barbie and Ken get married 118 times before their 12th birthday. Or was that just me?? Was it?! I thought it was normal! And yes... I also wore a wedding dress found in a friends attic... and married not only Keanu Reeves probably half a dozen times... but I also "married" someone I went to school with that I refuse to mention their name due to liabilities and black mail towards myself as it's shockingly embarassing. Yes, more embarassing than admitting that I did and still do wish to marry Keanu Reeves. THAT'S besides the point. If I could go back in time and change it... well... I wouldn't because Keanu Reeves in beautiful.

Anyway...


Yes, I dreampt of getting married for so many years. Tinker married my stuffed animals and I married imaginary people, enough times to maybe be considered psychotic...

Now that life isn't so simple, now that I actually have to consider a budget and re-think my spending habits, I realized it's not a perfect world. I realize that since I walked down the aisle 47 times before I turned into a teenager, 50% of people who say "I do"... don't follow thru. 50% of marriages fail. Sadly enough, although I truly believe that Darrin and I will grow old and die together in our sleep, holding hands... those true facts hinder my day.

I don't want people thinking of how young I am... I don't want them thinking it's just another waste of money... and I don't want people telling me to plan for an expensive divorce (yes, this has actually happened when I announced my engagement). I wish I could re-live the perfect idea I had as a little girl, how the whole day is about me... how I have the giant princess ball-gown, show up in a limo and have my Daddy walk me down the aisle. The smaller details don't matter to me, nor did they ever. I didn't care about the color of the bridesmaids dresses... I didn't care about the flowers or how much my dress cost... I just wanted those simple things to be done.

First of all: My dress, is not a princess dress. I tried them on, I attempted it and it was a major and epic fail. I looked like... I don't even know... a princess; which I guess I left that desire back when I turned 14. I'm not a princess... I'm hard working and I want to feel sophisticated and sexy on my wedding day... not a cake topper. Anyway... I'm not showing up in a limo... honestly - I could care less about that. Ideally I'd like Darrin's Dad to drive me to the ceremony in his 2001 Ford Mustang Cobra. You know, the beautiful shiney black car that has 612 horsepower and sounds like a jet just flew by when you put your foot on the gas?? But unfortunately that idea was quickly thrown to the ground because he doesn't want to park it near other cars. I suppose that's understandable. I mean, afterall, I try my hardest to park the van on the outskirts of the parking lot so it won't get hit by another vehicle (no I don't... I park it as close as I can to who I think is drinking and driving hoping that it will get hit). Anyway... that's beside the point...

The final thing on my list, that I always assumed would happen and never put another thought into it is my Daddy walking me down the aisle. This, I'd say, is the one and only important thing to me that I think all girls have in their mind on their wedding day.

I'm a traditional girl... I want my Daddy there, give me away and have that moment with him. I want to hold tightly onto my Dad's arm as I stare down the aisle at all my guests, patiently waiting for me to start my last walk as a single women. I wish I could stand next to him while my future husband walks towards me to take my hand and marry me. I want that bittersweet moment with my Daddy of letting go of him while he gives his blessings for Darrin and I to be together for the rest of our lives. This moment plays in my head... it brings tears to my eyes because at this point... there's nothing I want more... yet it's something I cannot have. This one day I have thought about since I knew what it meant. I always saw my Daddy there with me. I always imagined what discussion we'd have while waiting in line as my girls walk down the aisle. How tightly he'd hold on to me before letting me go. How handsome he'd look in his tuxedo. The smell of his cologne as I hug him one last time as his little girl.

My mind on this topic changes daily. It depends on what I am focusing on. I cannot give a consistent response if anyone were to ask me. Sure, I'm bitter about a lot of things... and probably will be until it's too late. But I have to remind myself before getting too upset about everything that has happened because I did try. I tried to maintain a relationship, I tried to do the right thing in inviting certain people... and I can't understand where I went wrong. I refuse to accept this is my fault, because I know, within myself - I did everything in my power to continue a civil relationship with my Daddy. I have no regrets and I have to remind myself of that...

Regardless of the history, or the reality of how it stands now and that I have no control over it anymore... I will always wish my Daddy was there. I can't even begin to explain the emotions I have when I think that I will not have that father-daughter dance with him.

He will be in my heart that day... no matter what.

Memories

Okay everyone, here's a task (I'm truly hoping people will comment/respond because this can be fun): My sister and I randomly send each other memories we have from being a child. Simple memories, that you forget in the hussle and bustle of our regular busy lives. Memories that would melt your heart upon remembering. Something you want your children to experience, forget and remember later down the road so they can feel that childhood moment again... Here's my list: I miss waking up in the morning and having nothing on my agenda except to watch cartoons and write my wish list to Santa. I miss getting tucked into bed and falling asleep to the sound of Mum and Dad’s TV being on and hearing the Red Green Show interlude at 10:30. I remember Mum and Dad teaching me how to brush my teeth. I miss opening the bathroom cupboards so I could stand on the ledge to brush my teeth. I miss the sound of the stairs they made when you walked down them. Or running off the stairs and then running into my room and doing a hand-stand on my bed and pretending I was in the Olympics. I miss the red shag carpet upstairs that smelled like feet. I miss the tea cloth on the center of the kitchen sink that was used to clean everything, including the floor , our dishes and our faces. I miss the computer being in the middle of the hallway, lol. I miss how Mum and Dad hid Christmas presents under their bed, lol. I miss fishing for dead leaves in the ditch next to our house. Catching Tadpoles and froggies. Running to the Farrish’s. Missing the bus. Snow Days. Christmas morning and opening the stockings on my bed. The smell of pine in the living room. Mum’s pork chops, Dad’s beans. I miss going to People’s to find our Christmas presents. I miss the peach walls in our bedroom and the matching bed spreads. I miss on sunny days Mum would take the red sheers on the window’s and close them. I miss the Canadian Tire bags we would use year after year for presents. I missed playing with my Barbie’s. I miss Dad’s Saturday morning breakfast meal that included beans and HP sauce on top of his Sunny-Side eggs. I miss swimming in the pool and catching those sinking things at the bottom of the pool as a game. I miss the pond in the backyard that Dad used plastic bags to make a reservoir of water. I miss the giant frog that lived in the pond year after year. I miss how days were stressful because you were told to clean your room, or you broke something and cried about disappointing Mum and Dad. I miss how homework was hard because I had to add 4+8 or do multiplication. I miss the excitement of getting your report card and sitting around while Mum read it to Dad and praising us for doing such a great job (even though I never did). I miss School shopping and getting new crayons and a pencil case. I miss when Mum and Dad went to Bingo every Tuesday night and I would make them crafts while they were gone. I miss my paint pallet phone! I miss how simple life was, getting up in the morning, not having to do your make-up, and having breakfast made for you! I miss waiting for the bus at 7:50AM on the corner of Adawandran and Menomini, across the street from the park. I miss picking pretty rocks out of our driveway. I miss Dad racking the dirt in front of the driveway. I miss keeping an eye on Robin’s eggs as they hatched under the deck and looking but not being able to breathe on them. I miss the ferns Dad had exploding all around the house, lol. I miss that Dad had so many plants in the house it would take a solid 30 minutes to water all of them. And he always used that blue thing with the long spout. I miss having milk in a bag and cutting it open with scissor’s and every once in a while messing up and having a HUGE hole and it spilling everywhere. I miss the green tub. Bunk beds. The white dresser. Double cassette player. Not being able to receive a radio signal. How cold it always was in the Summer because Dad blasted the AC so high it froze a few years in a row (perhaps that should have been a sign!). Wheat-a-bix! Gushers! Fruit-by-the-foot. Mum going grocery shopping and having to buy a dozen cans of Heinz beans just to keep Dad satisfied for only a week at a time. Oreo’s for dessert. “Children in Africa would kill to have a plate of food like you do right now!” “eat your supper!” “No desert for you” “If I had a knife…” “CHERLOINT!” Giving Dad back scratchies for 5 cents. The “chore” calendar we had on the dishwasher with colored stars indicating when we did something… and getting $5 or $2 dollar bills each per week. Mum’s fake green marble make-up cases, including a mirror with a giant gold medallion on the front and her lipstick holder. She always had a lipstick that was silver. Dad’s Kodiac steel-toed shoes free from work. Our home-made, hand-sewn, fleece jackets. Dancing to Material Girl in your bedroom. Peepers. “Twinkle, twinkle, Or Our Eeee” Morein’s laugh. Your Barbie that was giant, had short white hair and flashing earrings – yet we made him a man because we had no Ken’s. The hamper with the dirt plastic bag. To everyone reading this - make a list of memories, so simple yet so sweet... you'll cherish them. To our childhood friends... how many of you remember these??

Woah woah woah

Though the title of this blog posting does go with what I am writing about... it felt right since the song "Whoa is Me - Down with Webster" is playing. I couldn't resist.

Regardless... let's get onto the topic of this whole wedding planning sh*t that I have embarked on.

First of all, I blame this all on Darrin. If he hadn't asked me to marry him - I wouldn't be dealing with this crap... in the first place! So... let's all hate on Darrin right now.

Besides the fact that I may or may not have dropped many hints prior to the "big question" I'm still angry that he was weak enough to fall for it and now put me thru this crap.

Second of all, in-law/parents do have a say in your big day... but if the bride and groom want your opinion, fine. But don't force it and lay a guilt-trip on them when they say "no". If I want my friends there, I most definitely will choose them over yours... end of discussion. You had your big day, dear. Now it's my turn!

Third of all, Wtf is up with people spending $50,000 on a wedding?! Our budget is $15,000 and that's just right. What are these people spending an additional $35,000 on?! Umm, hello... that's a nice car. By the way, if someone who can afford an additional $35,000 on a wedding - screw the extra decor, etc and buy me a new car!

...I can't get started on the Minivan... that will take an entirely different blog posting that could turn into a novel...

Whatever... I will admit, I'm bitter about how the minivan refuses to die.

Okay, so I'm seriously thinking that eloping is just the best cure for this headache that I have with all the wedding planning. It would just be so perfect to go someplace warm (hell, I'll even do Vegas!), walk towards the man of my dreams, promise myself to him forever... and walk away. This whole "people taking pictures of me while I walk down an aisle and having the first dance while a room of 120 people watch you, take pictures and make comments" is so overrated.

The whole idea of a wedding is to marry the person you want to spend the rest of your life with right? Well... I'd say in the past 15 years... weddings have turned into a party to beat the last. Everyone wants to throw an extravagant wedding, make yourself look good and whoever can spend the most money on their day - wins! That's how I see it. It bothers me. I get that if you have a large wedding 250 guests is fair (Italians, for one) but... 500? $100,000? $11,000 on your dress? A helicopter bringing you to your reception? Paying $13,000 for a DJ?! Explain to me why this is necessary? Oh right... comptetition.

And now with being told that I have to invite family friends that neither Darrin or myself have ever met... never will see again and probably don't even know our names - seems like a ploy to show us off. Sure, I am complimented on this; however, this day isn't what this is about.

Ideally?... I'd like to wear a sundress, on the beach with no one else... that's my ideal wedding.... but then in the back of my head, I also think of how many times I've dreamt of this day, thinking about the giant, white, ballgown dress (even though I went entirely in the opposite direction with that), the dancing, the fun, getting my hair and make-up done, walking towards (at one point, for many years) Keanu Reeves, etc and I'm scared that I may regret not doing it that way if I do in fact run away and marry on the beach.

But I also think "I grew up"... I don't need/want the princess gown, with all eyes on me. Omg... the thought of walking down that aisle with 120 people looking at me makes me wonder if this is how I want to do it. I do not want to have that many people looking at me. Can't we have some sort of plan where everyone closes their eyes and suddenly I appear out of no where?

Ugh - that's my rant for now... although my office door is closed and says I'm on lunch... students have no problems starring at me thru the window and continuously trying to open my door, even though it's locked. Apparently, I'm not entitled to lunch. That's fine - they'll just have to deal with me on low sugar because I haven't eaten.

Decisions... decisions

Who would have thought that buying a sofa and loveseat would be so darn hard!? I always thought that buying a house would be hard - but when we saw our cute little townhouse, we knew right away it was "the one". I always thought saying "yes" to a proposal would be a hard one because you have so many things to take into consideration... but it was one of the easiest yes's I've ever made. I always thought buying a car would be hard. Do you go for the red or the black? All the big decisions in life aren't always the hardest.

The two most frustrating, and what seems to be the most life altering choices I've had to make in my life, thus far is:

1. My wedding dress. I'm sorry... but when you watch Say Yes to the Dress, or all those other bullcrap shows that make it seem like this is the most emotional decision you've ever made are ru-tarded! It is not like that at all! I didn't cry! I refused to make a decision after only two dresses! It took me 72 dresses to find "the one" and I'm pretty sure that if my budget allowed more wiggle room - I'd still be looking.

No one saw me walk out of the dressing room with the white dress on and their jaws dropped to the floor, and the music started playing and people started crying and grabbing for the Kleenex box... blubbering about how beautiful this gown was on me. No! This doesn't happen! Turns out - the dress I ended up choosing I actually walked out the dressing room disgusted with it. I had Nanny hands because I didn't want to touch the dress because I thought it was horrible. Turns out, with a few alterations - it is perfect :)

Now, yes of course I want the Italian silk and lace gown that costs $27,000... but let's get real.

2. The second hardest choice I've ever had to make... a couch! A new couch at that!
So far, since Darrin and I moved in together, we've always had to buy second hand. I love kijiji.ca. It has saved me from lots of money and has helped me sell plenty too! So for a very long time, we had hammy-downs of sofa's, coffee tables, dining tables, end tables, chests, this and that. But finally, now that we're doing alright we are able to make the ultimate decision and go out and buy our own, new couch, chair and loveseat. I was all excited about this big purchase... until I spent three weekends, in a row, walking thru aisles of couches, dealing with sales people that will literally follow you thru the store, so everytime you turn around you see their head popping from corner to corner watching ever move. I felt like I was on the National Georgraphic channel and people were spying on us and watching us from afar with a voiceover saying "she's going for the black leather couch... no... she's changed her mind". Ugh. So annoying. Anyway - needless to say, we found a few couches that we like.... but this decision is harder than anything I've ever done before. I've lost sleep over this!

Our issues:
1. White leather would look amazing in our newly painted living room. But apparently white leather is a pain in the ass and I have enough of those to deal with.
2. Black leather (in my opinion) looks cheap.
3. Brown leather wouldn't go with our decor.
4. We can't get fabric because Billie like's barfing on our couch... it's routine. If he hasn't puked... we are concerned.

So... what do we do? Go for the beautiful white leather couch, and deal with the possibility of stains?
Do we go for a nice black leather couch and deal with the aging and the fact that it will darken our room even more?
Or... well brown isn't an option... so... black or white?

HELP!

That is all for today.

Isagenix... Day... huh?

Okay, okay... okay. I may or may not have forgotten about my blog for the past week and a bit. Alright, I didn't forget, but I'm slightly frustrated and embasrassed that I put forth all this time, effort, suffering and money to this diet, write about it for all of those that are curious... and completely screw it all up.

Sure, we all make mistakes... but most people try and avoid big mistakes like that when you're posting it to the world in a blog that I'm slowly learning that a lot of people are reading. Luckily, I've heard nothing but good things - so that's nice :)

To all of my followers: thank you! Feel free to leave comments, I do like reading them :)

Okay, back of track! My diet... this Isagenix thing... gotta say, if you want to go by this diet stricly, like they suggest on every bottle, every mix and every pill you ingest - you're basically setting your life up for a very lonely few months. Anyone who has a partial social life (not even one where every weekend you go out drinking with your friends, or this or that) but even a slightly, one day a week, friendly drink for gossip... you're screwed. I've learned this. I tried and tried and tried to stay ontop of this diet so that I got the maximum results for all this money and starvation I put myself thru, only to realize that I can't do it so stricly!

I'm sorry, but the people who leave testimonies on the Isagenix website saying "I'm a mother of 4 and I just gave birth 2 weeks ago and have already lost 12 pounds!"

... Bullsh*t!

It's impossible. I have one baby, who's three years old, has snaggle teeth, is cross-eyed, furry and tries to eat people... and I can't even find the time to stick to this diet so closely! Even at work, where unless I trek to the basement of my building, stand in line for 10 minutes and buy a donut from Tim Horton's - it's actually hard to come across bad food. So, I'm lucky because if I bring in a healthy lunch (two hard-boiled eggs, salmon and an apple) it's not hard to stick to that and I'm still having a hard time sticking to this darn diet so strictly.

It is simply impossible for a monther of FOUR to be able to do this. Don't you feed your kids Kraft Dinner and french toast for the first 6 years of your kids life because you don't have time to cook huge healthy meals? Don't you forget to pluck your eyebrows for 7 months until your husband makes a comment about the bushes on your forehead because you're busy cleaning up puke, diarrhea and toys? HOW does anyone lose 12 lbs after having four kids. Bite me. That's not true.

So, what I'm trying to say is: This diet is very dependent on your ability to not go out, not do anything on weekends - because on weekends you cleanse and the only thing you're capable of doing is running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Then for dinners during the week, you're stuck drinking a shake and a banana. That doesn't sound like a nice anniversary dinner with your fiance. Or Valentines Day? No steak for me, I'll drink this water and suck on the lemon...

Details about this diet you don't think about when you look at the big picture and read all these testimonies about how all these people lost pounds and pounds of weight. It's either:
A) They were fairly large to begin with and 12lbs is nothing compared to their overall body fat%
B) They have no life, no dating life, social life, fiance, boyfriend, husband, friends or children. So basically you're looking for a successful story from Britney Spears since she stopped the drug addiction (what ever happened to her?!)
or
C) You cheated!

I did my second cleanse on Saturday and it wasn't horrible like the last time. I just took shots of the cleansing stuff rather than taking the oz. and mixing it with water. Then I drank water all day. I painted the living room which kept me occupied. Painted one wall, went pee, painted the next wall, went pee, etc. You know how it goes...

I also helped load our 300 lbs mantel into the flatbed part of some farmers truck. That was fun, especially when half the weight of the mantel was on my fingers, crushing them and I had to pull my hands from underneath leaving chunks of my knuckles on the bed of his truck. Seriously, I saw remeninse (sp?) of it there... wicked. And my hand is still swollen and slightly grey (purple type-ish color). I thought for sure I broke my entire hand, but once the guy left, I walked into the house and realized that without much pain, I was able to move my whole hand. It just got huge by twice the size and is still extremely stiff, but... I'm dealing with it. Possibly just some trauma to my poor hand :(

... So that day was fun...

So far this week (it's Tuesday) I've been eating my salmon out of a can. Lots of professor's are making comments about the smells seeping out of my office. In the morning it smells like I sh*t myself because of my hard boiled eggs and then at lunch it smells like a fish hatchary, lol. Splendid. I also bought organic peanut butter yesterday! Tried it, FANTASTIC! It tastes just like peanuts. There's no sweetness to it. This sh*t is amazing and everyone should enjoy it's pureness. This is amazing stuff.

So I have that today with celery too. Excited to try them two together :)

Okay, so that's my newest blog posting.

Onto another topic: Wedding. It's less than 6 months away. As they say "you're life will end when you say "I DO". You know... I love hearing that!

I'm going to make sure that when someone I know is about to embark on one of the biggest events in their life, something that a girl has thought about since the day they saw the first pretty white gown, with sparkles and dimaonds all over, with that beautiful long train, where you commit to one another for the rest of your life on this planet... I'm going to make sure that the first thing that comes out of my mouth is something that will disappoint them to no tomorrow. And I'll make sure that they are aware that 50% of marriages fail! Why am I saying this? Because I can't even count how many times in the past six months I have heard this stupid crap! Thanks, I'm so glad that everyone can't just congratulate me, but remind me of the negative things from other people on this planet, from people who get married too young and realize 4 months after that it was a big mistake, how fun divorces are and how you will be robbed of all your money in the process. How people change and you don't know who you are and your husband doesn't know who he is. I'm sorry, but in my opinion (and yes, definitely in some situations this is not the case but... from what I've seen) people give up too easily. Divorces happen way too often. I see people divorce because of money. MONEY?! Why? Why are you competing with the world on who makes more and why, oh why is this splitting up that never ending love you promised each other for eternity. Why are people being selfish and going off and cheating?! This is another reason why so many divorces take place, cheating. This isn't a blow to men more than women or vis-versa... but all-in-all, why did you marry someone that doesn't do it for you?? And sure, over time, after kids certain things sag, weight is gained, eyebrows arent' plucked... but at the end of the day, even if Darrin got fat, lost all his hair and lost his job, I'm so in love with this man that I couldn't just walk away and sleep with another man.

That's just my opinion though. Clearly with the amount of divorces and cheating that's going on - I could be alone on this. But that's one of my opinions.

Coming from a family that recently split up, there are good causes/reasons for two people to not be together. You cannot force someone to stay in a relationship that isn't healthy. Without going into details, I'm glad my parents split up because it wasn't healthy and long-term effects of staying in something so potent would lead to self destruction. These are fine, this is where a person, over time, can no longer cope with life issues, life stresses and things from the past. These are issues that would have happened regardless of marriage and who they're married to. So you can't justify that. The only thing worth justifying is:
A) You can't stay with someone like that, you will die inside
B) I'm not that person, in that relationship - so stop comparing me and commenting on how divorces are just as fun as the wedding planning and then wish me luck
C) I don't give up... if there's an issue in my relationship with the man I love, luckily we have the communication skills to be able to sit down, discuss the issue and find a fix for it.
D) I've been to hell and back about 18 times... I know what it takes to have a healthy and successful marriage and I will not back down from it. I will not give up and I will love forever.

I heart Tracey... she asked me to write it in my blog. You're welcome, Tracey.

The End.

Few Days Off for a Restart

Ok... so apparently I know a lot about organic foods and this and that... but don't know sh*t when it comes to the appropriate diet for my body.

So I have to restart my Isagenix diet on Monday. Take a few days off and regain strength because, guess what? I was starving myself to malnutrition and turned into a balloon of water!

Last night was horrible. Not sure if you've noticed in my previous blog posting for most of this week, but I didn't speak too much about my weight and how I felt because quiet honestly, I was hitting rock bottom and didn't know how I felt about it. Yes, I went and ate chicken fingers, etc... and that definitely did not help my situation.

My daily schedule at the beginning (first week) was the same as this week, except I incorporated a hard-core workout too; which was the beginning of me falling into potentially serious health issues.

I still believe that Isagenix is key for a healthy lifestyle, as long as you are aware of a healthy diet; which I was not until someone enlightened me last night.

I would get up in the morning, have my shot of Ionix, a giant glass of water before I hopped in the shower and then my shake on the way to work. During my morning I wouldn't eat anything except tonnes of water and the Isasnacks and Isadelights; which technically don't even have a calorie count in them. Then for lunch, another shake and throughout the afternoon, nothing but water. Then I'd come home, starving and make a dinner of which I thought was appropriate... I had the right amount of veggies, protien (chicken or salmon) and organic brown rice. But the point I was completely missing was the sodium intake I was consuming with my dinner. I was putting salt on my chicken and using chicken broth to help with the taste of the rice. Well now that I know to look, I checked out the label on chicken broth and it has half my daily intake of sodium; when I shouldn't be having any!

Then I would wait until my food digested and then go down into the basement and do a hard-core workout that would burn 300 calories. Then have a big glass of water and snuggle until bedtime.

First mistake: I was starving myself and not taking in enough protein. Essential for a good diet. Then I was putting too much salt in my body; which makes you retain water and bloat. Then I was working out hard core and not giving my body the nutrients it needs afterwards to recooperate from the workout; which is why I am so sore from the workouts... my body was eating my muscles because I didn't have enough energy to burn during these workouts because my daily calorie intake was only 500! I should be consuming more than double that.

So, I'm sitting on the couch yesterday thinking "I feel bloated and fat because of the chicken fingers"... so I jumped on the scale and realized that I am weighing more now than I did when I started the diet! I looked in the mirror and saw a four-month pregnant belly. I am not joking people... I could easily be mistaken as pregnant.

I guess I was in denial... I figured since I'm already tiny, that a smaller diet would benefit me somehow. No... this is not the case!

I was running on empty, I had no energy and because I looked and weighed so big for this past week, I started eating less! This is when people get caught up in an eating disorder, EASILY. Luckily, I don't have the patience to allow myself to get that far and called up my consultant for the Isangeix and he instantly told me everything I am doing wrong and why my body is acting this way. I thought the shakes were giving me everything I needed, but they're not. They're simply giving me the nutrients and energy that I need so my body is in optimum health and also is allowing my body to cleanse the food I am putting into it and sifting thru all the toxins. There's a point to these shakes and cleanses... to be healthier. But a proper diet with it is essential. I had no clue! I should have looked this up.

So starting on Monday, I'm re-starting my diet properly.

Ionix shot in the morning. Glass of water. Shake.
Mid-Morning I will take my Accelorator and two hard-boiled eggs.
Lunch I will have a balanced meal with chicken, rice and veggies.
Mid-Afternoon I will have walnuts or some form of protein.
Dinner, I will come home, first work out and then take my shake; which will boost the energy I just burned and not allow my body to fall apart and bloat like a staving African child. Then a banana and juice (organic).
All mixed with lots of water to flush my system.

I was doing it wrong, oh so wrong.

I'm so embarassed for anyone who is reading this. You make such a large step in your health but end up back peddling. I wasn't even sure if I was going to write about this, but I figured a lot of people are interested in this diet and want to see how it pans out... and I assume some people are trusting me to give the right information so they can make a decision also. So I'm telling you - any diet... you must read up on it. You must stick by the rules, because I broke some and tried to compensate by eating less and I ended up exploding and feeling so horrible about myself and just overall health.

No, I do not have an eating disorder. I'm eating normally today, no shakes, nothing and so on for this weekend to regain the sugar and fat that I have completely lost the past week. My bloating has gone down considerably since this morning and I have energy.

The first week was perfect... I enjoyed it, I was feeling great, I was losing inches. I felt good... but when I incorporated the working out... was when it went downhill. I was burning calories I didn't have! It's like trying to drive across Canada on an empty tank of gas...

Anyway, I will keep you all posted.

Can we look at the positive and say "trial and error"?

Isagenix Day 10

Alright...

I don't know what happened, but I decided that going across the street to the good'ol Dawghouse pub (don't judge, this place is friggen fantastic) for some chicken fingers and not just fries... but a poutine would be a splendid idea. I decided I needed some serious girl-talk and catch-up time with my friend Melissa. So we trekked over there.

I had the most delish beer, chicken fingers, poutine, honey garlic sauce and plum sauce. Omg... tell me I'm joking! No... I'm not. I friggen did this!

I prepared all day yesterday for this fantastic and well-deserved meal. I stuck with my shakes and ate nothing more. I was ready to take this on and ready to take over the world with a plump tummy full of amazing and greasy food.

Have I ever regretted something more in my life? So far, I haven't been able to find anything. Sure... taking that shot of Tequilla on my birthday that lead me to crawling to the kitchen the next morning to get my fix of bacon is on my list... along with jumping off that swing when I was 10 at the park and smoking my head on the bar is up there too... or even dating M.C. in high school is a major regret. But... eating chicken fingers and a poutine for dinner last night is seriously the worst decision I've ever made. It even tops buying the Bible that continues to haunt my house and refuses to leave!

I'm not being dramatic here... but I seriously wish I hadn't done this. Sure, the situation called for it. I'm not going to go to a pub with a friend I haven't seen in a while and order water and a garden salad with low-fat dressing on the side - or so I thought. This, would have been a fantastic idea!

...I'm angry (can you tell?) because I feel like absolute CRAP! I suppose this is a good and bad thing, all mixed together in one. I mean, now I feel and can see how I felt every single day on my regular diet. I had nothing to compare it to, so I thought I felt fine every day! I thought feeling sluggish, and bloated, and so tired I've been accidently rolling my eyes at students all day (oops) was a normal thing! I blamed it on not getting enough sleep, or being stressed, or the alcohol I may or may not have consumed the night before (I'm not an alcoholic, but from time-to-time it's nice to come home from work and have a couple of beers or glasses of wine). But I will confidently blame this regular, daily occurance; of which I thought was normal... on my diet. Simple. Plain and f***ing simple! I'm raging...

...I think people honestly find excuses for why they feel like crap because they're too lazy to do something about their diet. I think people who are in a rough spot, or are stressed find it easier to mound down on food rather then get off their ass and stop feeling sorry for themselves, work out for half an hour and eat properly!

I bet you that my PMS will be minimal this month! I bet... I won't even notice. Now, keep in mind, I'm always an angel and PMS doesn't effect me :) I'm juuuuuust kidding. Darrin has learned the ropes and knows not to argue with me, even if I'm telling him to pick the lint off the floor because it's an eye sore. And he's learned to really... just stay the f*** out of my way. Good boy. I bet... he won't even know this month!

Diet is essential! I couldn't wait to get up in the morning and roll my sorry ass out of bed and make myself a shake. You don't even know! I felt so tired and fatigued this morning that I didn't even want to put on my FACE! Something I thoroughly enjoy on a daily basis. If I got sick of putting on make-up... there was be something detimental (sp?) going on and someone should call 911.

And no, it wasn't because I had too much to drink (I had a beer) and I went to bed at 11 and slept thru the whole entire night... I can tell!

I can tell now, and feel the difference. The feeling this morning felt too familiar. Why? Because I've felt this way every day for my entire life! And now, for the past 10 days... I've been able to feel great in the morning and feel great all day long!

It's insane people. Truly.

I'm so in-love with Isagenix that I would consider joining a cult if there was one.

McDonald's French Fries? No thank you!
...the world can now gasp at what I just said, perform a standing ovation and high-five me.

Isagenix Day 9

So my day 9 is going well. It's Tuesday... things are hectic at work... my body is finally getting use to peeing 24/7 and it's not fazing me anymore; which is nice.

Since Sunday night, I've started working out too. I bought the Biggest Loser Workout. Again, not because I need to lose weight, but because this sh*t is a cardio workout at it's best! I suggest it for anyone. It works out your ass like you're about to walk down the Victoria Secret runway (hey, it's a dream)... damn you, Jessica Stam, damn you.

Anyway, before I get more bitter that one of my best friends from grade 7 and 8 is now one of the most beautiful top models in the world... b*tch... I will move on from this.

Tantrum, completed.

So I'm doing the workouts every night. They last for 30 minutes; which includes a 5 minute warm-up; which I find essential for a good workout and to prevent any muscles from tearing. Then a 20 minute workout; which does cardio... but doesn't leave me gasping for air. This is essential for me as I have chronic asthma and can't go running marathons, or even one lap around my condo area... it's sad, really. One lap, jogging takes less than 2 minutes and I've tried... and I ended up dry heaving it was so painful to breathe. Anyway... and then 5 minutes of stretching to complete the work out.

As of today, I can't bend my legs to pick anything up because it's uncomfortable and due to the push-ups they have you do in the video... my boobs really hurt... but that's ok... I'm protective over them anyway. It's an awesome workout and I have a huge crush on Bob Harper. I will have him someday, along with Keanu Reeves and Vinni off Jersey Shore.

Otherwise, my diet is going well... I'm feeling great. Sleeping like a baby... and still willing to kill the next person I see eating a McDonald's French Fry. Some things never change.

Now, onto other things because in my opinion - my blogs are starting to sound the same everyday...

So far 2011 has let me down. This isn't a negative outlook on things and I will prove it to you with my following stories:
1. Got my hair did... got a little trim (want long locks for my wedding day) and got it curled all nice and pretty. The little turd that we curling my hair with one of those, you know, HOT irons that have no plastic around them to prevent any serious damage... decided she was going to give me 2nd degree burns on my neck. I'm sitting there and first of all she burns my ear. I yelp, oh so slightly to let her know to watch the eff out. She apologizes and moves on. Okay, so my ear is already burnt and I'm sitting there clenching my fits, jaw and butt cheeks hoping this doesn't happen again. The next chunk of hair she starts curling she burns the back of my neck. SO badly that it was on there for a few seconds. Long enough for me to think about what was going on and to hear it sizzling on my skin. When I was yelping and dying at the same time, the idiot thought she was pulling my hair! So instead of pulling away from my skin, she pulls in closer... burning deeper. I had a beautiful chunk of skin gone, with a lovely blister and now a permanent scar.
2. Got my nails did the other day. Gel nails of course. My nails are so weak that even if I could grow them without continously biting them like it's McDonald's French Fry... they would split all the time from all the typing and paper work I handle on a daily basis. So I get my nails done. I walk into this place and the chick mutilates my fingers. She saws away at my nails to shorten them and sure enough, with a sandpaper nail file... files so deep and SO hard... that now four of my fingertips are bleeding and to this day... swollen, red and pussy (is there no other way of spelling that word?!). Needless to say, I'm not happy camper and trust no one!

Going forward, I try and find the plus side of everything and am focusing on my long hair without split ends that can luckily cover what now looks like a permanent hicky and my nails are nicely done with blood marks under my nailtips.

Splendid.

Going on with life, I will continue my Isagenix and keep all you peeps updated on the progress. Now that it's the new year... I will also keep everyone posted on my wedding plans... since it's consuming my life along with this diet, work, Billie's evil mastermind and daily attempts to kill everyone in sight and the fact that I'm secretly hoping that the new neighbour across the way is Keanu Reeves...

Isagenix Day 5, 6, 7, 8

Alright, I realize that I haven't posted anything for a bit and there are reasons:
1. Friday I had a migraine at work. I believe it was from the way I slept the night before and it just grew from hunger and stress throughout the day. I had it in the morning and it went away during my lunch; which is when I write my blogs. I've noticed since being on Isagenix that medication works faster and better! Within 10 minutes the Advil I took completely killed my migraine (I suffer from migraines, have since I was 7... and Advil has never worked that fast and effective, ever). I was very impressed and blame it all on the Isagenix and the fact that I don't have as many toxins in my body for it to fight against.
2. Friday night; which is when I could have taken some time to write my blog, I was enjoying my first beer since my diet start-date. I felt guilty the whole time, but omg it was f*cking fantastic! I would never trade the first sip of an ice-cold brewski when it's been a while and you know your intake is limited. I also spent the rest of my night watching Harold and Kumar. Epic movie.
3. Saturday was my Deep Cleanse Day. I will go into more detail about this (this list is simply why I haven't written). Once I explain what I went thru, you'll understand why I haven't gotten around to blog posting.
4. Deep Cleanse Day #2. FML.

So here we are, today, Monday, January 17th, 2011. The 8th day of my Isagenix 30-Day Cleanse. Challenge - guaranteed.

The Deep Cleanse Days are the days during your cleanse when you realize how sweet the release of death would be. How magnificent it would be to just grill a juicy meaty burger on your BBQ. How amazing the taste of a giant glass of wine would taste...

Basically a Deep Cleanse day is where you drink 4 glasses of water with 4 oz. of Deep Cleanse CRAP! Crap is what I call it because that is exactly what it is. It looks like green, bubbly syrup that if followed by a giant diarrhea you might take after a loooong night of boozing. It's seriously disgusting. I hated it. I wanted to puke every time I drank this CRAP. So anyway, I made sure these drinks were as diluted as I possibly could make them; which I think in hinds-sight was a bad idea considering I ended up having to drink more. Regardless, I drank four of those throughout the day and pounded water. Seriously, I think a liter of water every 30 minutes. Needless to say every 20 minutes I was in the bathroom peeing up a storm. I've never peed so much. The only entertaining thing about my weekend was that my pee was lime green. Kind of funky.

Unfortunately, due to the intake of water I needed to consume and the amount of time I was spending in the bathroom, I couldn't do much with my day. So I did many loads of laundry and played with Billie, along with watching TV and movies. I forgot how amazing the movie The Hott Chick is. "But it's me! Jessica!"

So that's what a Deep Isagenix Cleanse is. In the morning, when it was time to shower and get ready for my day: I was out of breath from just washing my hair. My arms felt like I was holding up a 20 lbs child above my head for 20 minutes and all I wanted to do was sleep. Not to mention the fact that my blood sugar and pressure was so low that every time I stood up, I would almost pass out. Apparently this is normal. Ugh.

So that was my weekend. Yesterday I did some measurements:

Before you start your 30-Day Cleanse you measure everything:
Neck
Upper Arms
Chest/Rib Cage
Abdomen
Hips
Ass (Buttocks)
Upper Thighs
Knee Caps

Then you add up all the inches and mark it down on this diary sheet you get with all your packages.

Then after 8 days, you measure everything again.

I ended up losing 12.3 inches in total. 2.5 inches off my ass. 2 inches off my stomach. 1 inch off each thigh, .5 inch off each upper arm and .25 off my neck! My neck!!!

I'm starting to believe this sh*t actually works guys. Again, I'm not doing this to lose weight. I'm doing it for the health benefits. Besides the feeling dizzy, almost falling down, the hatred I have towards anyone eating an Everything Bagel with Herb and Garlic Cream Cheese, toasted with a large regular coffee, this Isagenix stuff really is amazing and I will preach to anyone who wants to be a healthier person - to start off with this.

As for today, I feel fantastic. I’m lively again and not willing to attack anyone eating a large fry with ketchup. Or a Boston Cream Donut… Ooh or a funnel cake. For some reason, I want to trek to Canada’s Wonderland and hound that place…

I’m back on my shakes, everything is running smoothly and my cravings, yet again have diminished since my last posting.

All in all, I’m feeling good about my decision, I am so pleased. I’m read to take on the day!

Tonight I am making Canadian Wild Glazed Salmon, grilled with organic brown rice and asparagus. Yumm.

Still… McDonald’s French fries are on my mind.

Isagenix Day 4

Today is p*ssing me off.

I'm not trying to be a Debby-downer (who came up with this name?!) or anything, but I have a giant box of Egyption cookies and Baklavah on my desk from a wonderful student (that I think is great, don't get me wrong) left on my desk yesterday.

Since my office is known for high traffic since I have 138 students and 20 faculty members coming and going with questions and requests, a lot of people have their jaws drop when they see this giant portion of free and amazing food that came straight from across the world (because it's that good).

For anyone who doesn't know what Baklavah is, find it and eat it. You will not regret it. You will never hear me say this about anything, ever again... but I would prefer Baklavah over bacon. There, you heard me say it and you'll never hear me say it with regards to anything else on this planet. I will stand by my rule when I say that bacon is the best thing that ever happened on this planet. I will forever love it and eat it (besides this month during my cleanse). If I can make something that can have bacon on it, I will. On a regular diet for me I go thru a package of bacon a week... it's amazing, simply put.

Anyway, back to my story (see, I'm passionate about bacon). I have students, faculty members and staff members coming and going from my office, taking some desert here and there as they go. Most of these people know I'm also on the most intense diet of my life but continue to make comments about how deliceous this food is and continue to moan and groan about it's taste. I sit there and grit my teeth and smile and say "I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Please, HAVE MORE!"

Needless to say, everytime I walk by this amazing heaven, I take in a big wiff and envy every single person who has had this foreign goodness touch their lips. At the same time though, the envy can easily turn into hatred. Currently, as I'm on my lunch, enjoying once again another clumpy shake, I hate everyone I work with.

I'm becoming hostile. I'm sure the morals my parents taught me will kick in and prevent me from throwing a tantrum. We'll see. Like I've said before, we'll take it day-by-day.

So far today I've had my breakfast shake, my Accelorator, two Isasnacks and an Isadelight. I'm currently downing my lunch shake and that should be it for my stay here at work. I do have my organic apple on my desk but I'm saving that for when I become desperate (desperate isn't being dramatic either).

On that note: I realized how much gum has become my saviour in this whole ordeal. Mint gum, I might add. If I'm feeling so extremely hungry that I'm considering eating my own arm... I throw in a peice of gum and it literally gets rid of the hungry feeling. Of course after 15 minutes of chewing the taste and effects are gone, so I pop another one in. Since I've started my cleansing diet - I have now gone thru 3 packs of gum.

Because of this, I won't be surprised if I start grinding my teeth at night (did you know that chewing gum is the main cause for that?). Not just because I'm always chewing gum, but also because I'm dreaming of eating the most amazing fresh turkey dinner. With home made stuffing with rice and bread. Cranberry sauce (hot or cold - I don't f*cking care!) and mashed potatoes with creamy gravy... omg...

I'm so glad I don't live in Yankee-Ville, because if I did, chances are I'd own a gun and shoot myself in the face because so far no one seems to be taking my request!

I drove by McDonald's last night on my way home from work with a wonderful lady I work with. She was talking in-depth about something (I think) important... but I lost all control and just starred at all the people inside, dining and eating like there was no tomorrow. I still can't figure out what she was talking about...

Effects on my body for day 4:
1. Still a lot of energy
2. It's amazingly easy to wake up in the morning. Of course it's hard to get out of your warm bed, but once I'm walking around - I'm good to go.
3. Mood is great unless I'm tired; in which case is normal. I become a cranky-pants when I'm lacking energy
4. Poop's are consistent and healthy (non of that runny sh*t - thank God)
5. Hands are starting to get better, thank you to Aveeno Intense Relief Hand Cream (Isagenix should reimburse me for this)
6. No bloating. I am completely happy with how my pants are fitting me (and I'm not referring to fat, but that bloated feeling you get from having too much salt and water in your body)
7. Believe it or not, I'm convinced this has affected my breathing skills. For someone who suffers from chronic asthma and bronchitis - I'm taking in deep breaths like nothing!
8. Shakes are tasting less gross (I was told that they tasted nasty before because my acidic and Ph levels in my body weren't level), now that they are, due to Isagenix and no toxins, they actually taste like chocolate and less pooh. Still some pooh in there, but not the same.
9. No fatigue. It's hard to explain but I feel lighter. Not in fat/weight sense but... my body feels less heavy and slinky. I feel airier (sp?) and more... light! I think having toxins in your body make you feel like you have metal in your blood.

What if I just licked a McDonald's french fry? Would that be so bad?! Even one off the ground - I'll do it! Just test me!

Isagenix Day 3

Shoot me in the face...

I'm on lunch right now drinking my shake. For some reason today my shake decided to p*ss me off and be clumpy. Mmm, clumpy pooh grits, yummm.

Wtf did I do different today?? Where are these clumps coming from? Ew. There's absolutely nothing I can do but cry... but that's won't get rid of the clumps - lost cause!

Okay, so far today it's been going better. I have only had a hand-ful of grapes and started eating the IsaSnacks; which are like... condenced shake mix (I'm sure you can imagine how I feel about this). I also ate an IsaDeligh (dark chocolate). It took me a good half an hour to eat the whole thing; which is literally the size of a small Post-It note. Not the medium ones... the small ones. Anyway...

So far, I feel much different than if I were on a regular schedule of eating my delicous Onion bagel, toasted with herb and garlic cream cheese, coffee and maybe a banana in the morning. Carrying on throughout the morning with maybe some more coffee or if I'm feeling healthy a nice organic green tea and to top it off at lunch with an amazing Manchu Wok plate with garlic chicken, pan fried noodles, chicken fried rice and some mixed beef veggies. Oooh and maybe a spring roll! And then I would go home and cook a feast of burritos or ohh, maybe even home made quesadilla's with chicken, salsa, cheese and mounds of bacon. And take it all down with a nice Rickards White beer on the couch while I look forward to some delish desert of some sort. Perhaps a Twix bar... or another quesadilla?? Oh yeah...

...anyway...

As I was saying... I feel much different since I started this diet. I'm more awake, quicker in the mornings... I feel less tired throughout the day and much more alive. I'm not cranky (as much - depends on who's bugging me) as usual and I have a quicker thought process. To be honest, this isn't a sale to anyone who's reading this - it's the honest truth... I feel 100 times better as a person and much better about myself.

In the back of my head, I'm hoping that this diet helps my complextion too. Would be nice. Get a little bonus in there and not only feel great, look great in my wedding dress and and have an awesome diet... but have killer skin too! Oh the benefits I could get from this... I wonder how far it'll go! Maybe my boobs will get bigger?? C'mon Isagenix, gimme some D's!

So far it's effected my bathrooom schedule, so that's a plus. That Colon Cleanse stuff no longer baffles my mind and I'm happy with the response my body is giving from taking the pills each day.

...Okay, I'm half done my clumpy shake... only half more to go. Just pretend is a delicous McDonald's strawberry milkshake, Charlie... yummm.

I'm still in the mind-frame of wanting to hunt anyone who has a morsole of McDonald's french fries on their lips. Perhaps I should just wait outside of the McDonald's drive-thru and wait for people to throw out their remaining dinner and sniff it until I can taste it... no? Too far?

...still the only negatives, so far, to this diet are:
1. People seem to think the soul reason to me doing this diet is to loose weight. So far, in three days, 6 people have told me they either A: hate me, or B: Think I'm nuts.
2. I've never thought about food so much in my life than I have these past three days. Is this what a severely obeses person feels like every day? If so... I understand!
3. I can't stop peeing
4. I'm convinced the shakes are left-over fertilizer farmers had from their farms...
5. My hands are dry and actually cracking now...
6. My insanity, I think, is slowly leaving my body. I wasn't joking about hanging out in the McDonald's parking lot...


Positives:
1. I feel great about myself and am totally challenging my emotional strength. It's challenge but I love it.
2. I'm pooing (note: this was an issue before).
3. My mind is more clear and I'm quick with responding (this includes snap-replies when someone is pissing me off).
4. I have so much energy!
5. I'm growing confidence (something I don't have much of)
6. I'm sleeping well and all thru the night
7. I all-in-all feel great about my decision and have confidence in the positive effects it will have on my body

Isagenix Day 2

I just re-read what I wrote yesterday (first day of my diet) and I still don't disagree with anything I said. Including my speel about healthy eating habits, etc.

With that said, the shakes are less intense... Jeremy was right - it gets better.

I've found a recipe for the shakes that make it easier to go down; which is: MORE WATER! It called for two scoops of this brown powder (which I think it's ground pooh) and 8 oz. of water. Bite me... I'm drinking more than a litre of water with this stuff, lol. More to drink, but... less gross!

I've conqured the problem!

...Now, onto the Isadelights and these chocolates. Still disgusting... I'm trying to decipher how important they are in my diet and if my diet wouldn't miss them if they weren't included. I'm really hoping they make no difference.

What I also take daily around 10:00AM is a Natural Accelerator. This I believe accelerates your metabolism and gives you energy (naturally). Honestly, I can't tell the difference considering the only thing I'm taking in right now is a small portion of fruit between shakes, water and shakes. Needless to say I'm peeing more than I'd like to and my hands are so dry from washing them all the time that I think Isagenix should be responsible/include a really nice hand moistuizer in the package.

Last night I took a Colon Cleanse pill. This I'd like to know what it does. It worries me though because on the back of the bottle it says "take with pleanty of water to prevent bowel obstruction or constipation". I don't think I ever imagined I'd say this but... I would much rather constipation! With that said, how much water do they want me to drink?! This colon stuff hasn't done anything for me yet... and I won't complain unless it does some sort of damage that will last me a lifetime. We'll play it by year. And yes, to all of those who are reading... I will keep all updated on my poop because this is part of the situation. I know you're all wondering anyway.

Last night I also made a yummy chicken dinner. For anyone who is wondering and looking for some hints for a less invasive diet, don't eat red meat. Baddddddd for you. Chicken, fish, turkey. And Pork is really hard on your digestive track. It takes forever for it to break down.

So my recipe (if I can remember correctly):

Two chicken breasts (organic)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil (very good for you, a good fat to have in your body)
Yellow Pepper (organic)
Green Beans (organic)
Spanish Onion (organic)
Chicken broth soup (low in sodium - remember people, salt bloats you!)
Startch (They have yet to offer this in organic; however, flour is offered in organic which you can use also)
Salt and Pepper (or white pepper for more health benefits)

Put tbsp of extra virgin olive oil in pan on medium-high heat. Heat until bubbling. Add chicken to pan (will bubble, be careful, hot grease is... hot). Let sit on heat for a few seconds and then flip over. The top of the chicken now has some olive oil on it, so sprinkel salt and pepper on top of that. Allow to cook on each side until golden brown (and of course cooked inside), but it's nice to have crispy chicken.

Heat tbsp of extra virgin olive oil on pan (same time as chicken) until bubbling. Add half the onion. Cook for about 4 minutes until it's slightly tender. Add the rest of the veggies. Then add half a can of chicken broth mixed with about a tbsp of startch or flour (should turn cloudy). Once that get's heated, it thickens and creates a nice base :)

Sautee the veggies while the chicken cooks and BAM... you've got yourself a dinner!

I may have missed some steps since I"m doing this at work right now (the thought of chicken is making me drool right now). So if you want additional information or have questions, please just ask! It's a "Calorie-Wise dinner" under 400 cals per serving and very little fat.

So that's that. I slept like a baby last night and feel great today! I have lots of energy and feel more satisfied with my decision :)

I still want to beat anyone who's munching on a MacDonald's fry right now... but I'm working on it.

Isagenix Start Date

Alright... so I started my Isagenix diet today at 6:30AM with a shot of some stuff that is extremely strong and fruity, then a shake. Ok... first of all, I was told these shakes tasted really, really good. I beg to differ!

I bought a Magin Bullet to mix the drinks in (although I didn't think how to mix them when I'm at work, because I refuse to haul a Magin Bullet from home to work and back, every single day). Anyway... ugh, they are disgusting! The key to these shakes are to replace a meal with something that has all the vitamins and minerals in it. So that's fine. But they taste so darn gross, that it makes me loose any desire to eat food... so it wins the battle regardless.

I had my shake on the drive to work. Then I munched on an apple and here I am at lunch... with half a shake in front of me because I do not have the balls to drink the rest. I'm hoping that by tomorrow morning, some miraculous miracle takes place and I can drink a full shake twice a day and enjoy it, without gagging.

I'm currently munching on some organic baby carrots right now, with the need to pee for (get this) the 7th time already today. I currently have a low-sugar-in-my-blood headache right now too... and to be honest, I have these Isadelights on my desk; which are chocolates... but they're dark chocolate and they're also, disgusting. I could have one... I'm contemplating it. It's sitting in front of my monitar, staring at me...

...For the first time in my life, I prefer carrots.

Ugh, another swig of water. I suppose it's good for you, so I won't complain much about that.



I'm writing a blog about this diet because I think everyone should know that being on a diet, is hard. It's not easy... people who are use to eating junk food (me) every day for almost every meal, but are unlucky and gain the weight that goes along with it... and choose to lose the weight, are in for a struggle!
...did that sentence even make sense? It was a paragraph long! I need to update my literature skills, asap.

...anyway...



I'm on this diet for other reasons... not to lose weight, but to gain the health I need right now. I have that drive to get thru this, but omg... I want loaded cheese fries, right NOW!



I'm 6 hours in and I want to shoot myself in the face. This is when I can justify any bad eating habits with "I will only live once" and munch down on a delish Big Mac burger. Oh the joy I would have right now eating something so discusting and wrong for me... but I chose to do this Isagenix diet... I paid an arm for it... and I'm officially one of those people who have to make that choice and difference in my life... so I may b*tch and complain about it, how disgusting it tastes and how hungry I am... but with hopes that this will all pay off someday will keep me on track.



Anyone who goes on a diet but continues to drink booze on weekends and coffee in the mornings. Eats dairy and bread... you're kidding yourselves. If you want to diet, don't starve yourself and eat things that will actually bloat your body more than it was before. Do you research! Read up on how salty foods make you retain water (this includes those little crackers with the salted tops, which are also in the bread section of a diet which is a big no no when on a diet), or that organic foods is key to a successful cleanse in your body; which is essential for a diet because you have so many chemicals and poisons in your body.



Did you know that a regular apple from the grocery store has growth hormones and pesticides in them? Chemicals that your liver and body considers poisonous? Did you know that your body secretes fat cells to cover these "poisons"? Think about it... when you eat food, where does it come from? Is it organic or are you filling your body up with hormoes, pesticides, chemicals, growth hormones, etc? What type of effect is it going to have on your body?

Ever notice that young girls have breasts the size of basketballs at the age of 12? (This could open a can of worms, but seriously... I'm not staring, but I've noticed and in school we've discussed this in depth because it's a serious worry these days) Want to know why?? Because of the growth hormones in the meat, fruit and veggies you buy. If it has an effect on a body like that... what is it doing to your brain functions, intestines, heart, liver, etc? Really think long and hard about this.

Eggs... the chickens are stored in such small quarters that all they can do all day is peck at each other, due to this chickens end up raw... so their beaks are cut off to prevent more pecking, in turn causing an infection. What do the farmers do? Inject them with antibiotics. Antibiotics that humans eat on a daily basis. What does consistent antibiotics do to a humans body? Largly effect your immune system! And then you have people go insane over H1N1 and SARS crap when in reality, it all goes back to the fact that our bodies can't fight off sh*t (even if it's the common cold) because we have no antibodies to fight it off. This is why a common cold can manifest inside a body and turn into something deadly (even though more people die from the common flu moreso than some epidemic that the News needs to speak about 24/7; which really isn't a big deal). Hey, lets solve crime instead!

Anyway, my preaching is for a reason... and it's also justifying why I'm throwing down what can only be described as "ass" down my throat to be a healthier person :)

I also hate everyone who is munching on a McDonald's fry right now...

I'm trying to remain sane... but I can't make any promises.