Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Story of Our Wedding




I'm going to put some effort into not being sarcastic in this blog posting. Although it rules my life and personality more so than I'd like to admit... I think that speaking about a wedding should be sarcastic free and to simply tell the story of the wonderful day I had on July 23, 2011.

Let’s start with the rehearsal dinner on Friday, July 22, 2011. Everyone in the wedding party (minus Lennie due to working) showed up together at Boston Pizza in Kincardine. We ate.

The wedding day was a pretty good day. The night before all the girls (Laura, Anna, Sara, and Michelle and I) all stayed in the honeymoon suite at the Best Western. Laura, Sara, and I slept in the King sized bed. I felt bad for Sara since Laura and I refused to sleep in the middle. Sara graciously accepted that she would be stuck between two full-grown women, snoring and drooling in her face. Luckily for her, she slept like a baby that night. Sadly, I know this for a fact since I was the only one laying wide awake the whole night and in turn had her snoring and drooling in my face.

I'm unsure why this is the case. I wouldn't blame it on excitement, because quite frankly I wasn't excited. I think I'll confidently blame it on being nervous as sh*t (oh... there goes my sarcastic-free blog posting) about the day to come...

My 7AM alarm finally went off, after I lay in bed for a few hours wondering when it would go off and set me free from the sleep I was lacking and get started with the day. I actually became concerned that the alarm hadn’t gone off and it was actually 8:30 in the morning or something. So I picked up my phone to see 6:59AM, before I could set it back down the clock hit 7:00AM and my alarm went off.

I hopped in the shower so I wouldn’t wreak as I walked down the aisle and to shave my legs as it’s imperative that Darrin take off my garter with his teeth (who came up with this idea?!). Of all the days, and all the times and hours spent shaving my legs it is rare that I cut myself. And if I do its somewhere on my knee or a place unnoticeable. On this special day; however, I chose to cut the front of my leg, side of my leg and both ankles. I personally think that Gillette should have a warning on their razors letting the public know that you could die from loss of blood when you “nick” yourself in the shower on your wedding day. It looked like I was in the Vietnam War! Anyway, once I was done cleaning up the blood from my razor accident… I got out of the shower, threw on my “Bride” shirt and headed to First Impression’s to get our hair did.

There were pictures taken of us girls preparing for the trip to the hair salon, but I have been threatened, and my life would be on the line (more so than my incident with my razor) if I were to make these photo’s public. Four angry and tired women, up too early in the AM with no make-up on. It’s apparently like trying to make a joke about Hitler to Satan… don’t do it.

Once we got to the hair salon, Champaign and orange juice was poured while the girls got their hair put into curlers. Each girl would go and get their hair did while the rest were talked into getting fake eye lashes. Anna took the plunge and went first. We all gathered around her and watched a lady put what smelled and looked like tar on individual little lashes and brushed them into Anna’s eyelashes. They looked AMAZING, so we all fell in love and did them for ourselves. Each application for each girl took 45-60 minutes. I did mine while under the impression that they’d last me 1-2 months. I was extremely happy with them, so was Anna and my Mum. Now I didn’t have to worry about applying those God forsaken eyelashes that I bought at Sephora; which I knew would be a pain in my arse later on in the day when I would be applying my make-up.

Soon enough it was my turn to get my hair done. I made a joke about how much hairspray Rachel (the hair lady) was using and she admitted that when she does a wedding party she usually goes thru half a bottle of hairspray per girl. I nearly died. Not only myself, but that women should be wearing a face mask! You see all the acrylic nail ladies wearing masks because that sh*t can be poisonous to breathe in, but Rachel sprays adhesive around her face daily. Could just be me but perhaps hair salon’s are as bad as being a coal miner. But… that’s just me.

Finally my hair was done and everyone was happy with theirs. It was 12:30 now and my photographer was due at the honeymoon suite at noon, so I was slightly freaking out – but still a free record for any Bridezilla comments or actions.

We got back to the hotel room where everyone gathered in the room and helped each other put on their make-up. I think what I struggled with the most was getting my contacts on my damn eyeballs. I’ve done this before, but apparently that day was the day my contacts were meant to fall in the sink a dozen times. Luckily I was willing to get pink eye in order to be able to see for my wedding day. Luckily, no pink eye was had.

The wedding ceremony was scheduled to start at 2PM and the church is a good 12 minutes away from the hotel, so I had to take that into consideration as well. By the time my make-up was done, my contacts were in and my fake boobies were applied… it was 1:30. It was now time to discuss who’s car we’re going to take, get on my dress, finish pictures and oh yeah… eat. None of us had eaten… anything yet. Laura helped me get into my dress behind closed doors while the girls, Mum and photographer waited in the other room. I was just as nervous opening up the door for the “reveal” as I was for walking down the aisle. I knew my Mum would be a heaping bag of tears and God only knew how my bridesmaids would react… but I had to do it, apparently this was a big moment?... My sister opened the door and I distinctly remember watching everyone light up in excitement. Although I was extremely uncomfortable and actually wanted to cry from a form of embarrassment… it made me feel good to see that everyone loved my dress. My Mum started crying; which queued me to tell her to be quite and suck it up. Also, keep in mind I wasn’t completely serious… but maybe just a bit deep, deep down because I didn’t want anyone crying over me.

A few pictures were taken, a few discussions over whose car we’re taking and off we went. Before anything else… I also may or may not have taken a shot of vodka… from the bottle. Okay… I took two shots. Then we gathered up our things and… okay three shots of vodka… but no more than that! Fine… I had four. Anyway… we were on our way.

Of course it was necessary for me to say that I needed food. At this point I had Champaign, hairspray and vodka in my stomach but no food. So… Anna, Sarah (the photographer), my sister and I went thru the McDonald’s drive thru to fetch a cheeseburger. Everyone had their own… and mine was done before we got out of the parking lot. That was the best cheeseburger I’ve ever had in my life.

The drive seemed to have taken forever. Longer than I ever remember it being. Perhaps it was because I kept looking at the clock as we were running late. Not too late, I think we got there at 2:08.

As we drove up the road towards the church, I could see the steeple above the trees and I realized that that whole building was full of family and friends, waiting for Darrin and me to say our vows. A moment and thought I hadn’t considered. All these people drove and agreed to be there for us at this special time. It made me feel special!

The moment of truth was fast approaching me. I spent a full 365 days (proposed to July 23, 2010 and married July 23, 2011) planning this wedding. I spent an entire year of my life dedicated to the small, and what I considered, silly and expensive details to make this day special for us. It was all here, at this moment as I drove to the church. It’s how I imagined giving birth (since I don’t have a child, it’s still an image but…) your water breaks – there’s no turning back, that baby is coming out of your body in a painful and non-graceful way. My water broke… I was being driven to my destination. Although I knew it wouldn’t be a painful and non-graceful wedding with a widening vagina… I still thought of it as a “no return policy”. I was getting married, no matter how nervous I was.

I wasn’t scared to marry the man of my dreams, nor did I have any doubts in my mind that this was the best and most perfect decision I could have possibly made. It was a matter of walking down the aisle and showing my love to him in front of 100 people. If I could do this on a beach, just Darrin and I, it would be ideal. But the idea of having to present myself, walk down an aisle and say my vows loud enough for the huge room of people to hear made me feel like I was in a play, performing for an audience. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around something that is considered intimate and special to be broadcasted. Ideally, this type of setting was not for me. The fact that 100 people would be looking at me, walk down an aisle, all dressed up. All this effort for this moment was really hard to justify. I guess I’m just too realistic? I was more confused than ever, that I spent so much time, effort, tears, and money on this one moment. This moment was almost here and so many emotions were running to me. Excitement (for the first time thru this whole process) to marry the man of my dreams, to see my handsome fiancĂ© in his tux, to melt when he smiles and to promise my life to him. I was also nervous for the inevitable “water breaking” moment. Scared that I might fall flat on my face. And actually a little angry that my Dad wouldn’t be there.

So many emotions, so little time.

This was it, I was at the church. All the cars were parked outside and everyone was patiently waiting inside. Our minister was waiting in the hot sun with Michelle, Sara and My Mum. I watched them as they watched me in my white dress, pull into the parking lot. The second I get out, our minister met me at the car door asking “do you have the rings?” That moment I had no prepared for… now I’m not only feeling scared, nervous, excited, and angry but also “oh sh*t”. I forgot the rings. A moment of panic shot thru her eyes, but she quickly resumed to her patient self and said “no problem, we’ll take care of it”. At this point I was like “whatever, I don’t care… get me married and out of here!”

I walked up to the doors to see Jack waiting for me to arrive. He said Darrin was waiting in the basement and that he would go queue him to go upstairs and wait for me 

I got butterflies, flying around in my stomach excited to see my husband.

I could hear people talking in the church. It had a friendly and excited sound to it; which made me happy. It was a humming noise of laughter and talk. My girls quickly placed themselves on the stairs waiting for the pianist to start playing the song of which we’d walk down the aisle to. When the music started to play, I got chills as I could hear everyone stand up and prepare for that moment… my water breaking…

One by one, the girls started down the aisle. I could see them start their journey as nervous as I was for that moment. I actually felt bad that I made them go thru this and was hoping for forgiveness once it was all over. I never thought of this, but I made them dress up in pretty dresses, put on make-up, and sent them down an aisle with 200 eyeballs looking at them. Sorry, girls!

First it was Michelle, then Anna, Sara, and then my sister. All walking down to the music, avoiding the giant 150 year old grate in the middle of the aisle that would easily make you either A) break your leg, back or ankle or B) successfully plant your face on the floor.

Next was me. I was already holding tightly onto my Mum’s arm with my faux bouquet of flowers in my other hand, shaking and sweating. At this point, I think I was so nervous that I felt nothing. My face was numb – I had no control over my facial expression… I was worried about seeing pictures of me walking down the aisle as I couldn’t control how I looked at this point… luckily, my excitement to see my groom was more powerful than my fear of the “walk” and I had a smile on my face 

I walked up the final step, worried of stepping on my dress. I saw Jan, a lady I work with that I invited to the wedding (her and I are close and very supportive of each other). She was my first memory of this big moment… she smiled at me and I smiled back.

I let out a sigh and allowed my Mum to give me the nudge to start my walk. I remember looking down, taking a few steps and then looking up to a room full of people I knew and loved. All these people were here to see me… everyone had smiles on their face and camera’s in their hand. I wanted to see who was all there, but didn’t have enough time or enough brain power to scan the room. I needed to focus on my walk – one foot in front of the other. Right, left. Right, left. Now… where’s my groom?? I couldn’t see him and I needed him there at the end of the aisle to take my hand! Everyone told me that I should keep my eyes on Darrin to help me thru this walk, but he wasn’t there. The end of the aisle looked cluttered and busy to me. Too many people were standing there and the one person I needed and wanted the most wasn’t there. Before I knew it, I was in the front of the church. The minister then said “you walked too quickly” and that was my first moment of “shut up and let it be!” We did walk down the aisle a little quickly. To this day people keep saying that we “jogged” down the aisle. Quite honestly, I don’t know who lead, my Mum or myself and I am not going to sit and ponder whose fault it was… if it was me leading – it was me running the marathon… and I can’t be upset with my Mum if she was leading because I would have done the same. Clearly, without thinking, my mind was saying “get this over with!”

Then, in the corner of my eye… I saw my handsome groom. He looked amazing. He had a smile on his face that I had never seen before. I thought I knew this man, I thought I knew who I was marrying… but this smile was different. It was a smile of ease and love. A sigh of relief was beaming from his eyes and I knew that my presence there was his medicine to his nerves. You could tell that he was excited, you could tell that he was in love and it made it that much better to know that it was all because of me. At this point, I was fine. Nothing made me nervous, scared, or angry – all I could think about was “I’m here and ready to make this official”. It was weird for me to feel nothing at this point, as this was the most intimidating place for me to be… but it put me at ease standing next to him.

Every few minutes, I’d look over at him and we’d smile at each other. It was cute.

The minister went on and on about… I have no idea. We had asked her to say specific things, etc but she said none of what we had requested. I had noted this while standing for 45 minutes waiting for her to say something familiar… but nothing. A ramble here and there about us and how she perceived us; which were nice thoughts… but… whatever. Then the moment happened… the word that would create a dominos effect of laughter, second looks, and inside jokes… Darrin became a Darryl. This woman had met with us on a few occasions, knew our names, said his name four times during the ceremony and then suddenly threw in a Darryl. I don’t care, it was funny… but everyone snickered and she never noticed. Poor Darryl 

Then we had our kiss… which was quick because I don’t like public affection (overrated) and then we went to the corner to sign our life away. I liked it  I’ll sign it any day, 1,000,000 times for Darrin – as long as he’s my husband.

At this point, I think my blog posting is long enough. This part of the day was the most emotional and exciting time and I wanted to write about it. Everything else fell together perfectly (minus Lennie not having a tux and our first dance song cutting off right before Darrin dipped me) but without those glitches, it wouldn’t be a good story.

It was worth it…