I've been happily married and will be celebrating our 2-year anniversary this July 23rd. Marriage is... well... not much different from before. I think it is different for couples who haven't been together long... or haven't lived together before. Darrin and I got married after being together for 6 years, and we lived together for 5... so... let's be honest, nothing changed.
What HAS changed is the little bun in my oven (aka baby in my uterus, incubating).
Let's start with how this all happened, shall we? Wait... now get your mind out of the gutter... we all know HOW it happened... but to be honest... we were told by two separate specialists that I couldn't have children without medical intervention; and even with that... it was very iffy.
Without going into a lot of unnecessary detail, I was diagnosed with a small brain tumour on my pituitary gland. Small enough not to worry, big enough to make a difference. Because this little growth was now part of my life... I took the initiative to name it. I figured, no woman would impose on another woman's life and make it hell... so I assumed the gender of this little being was a male. So that got me thinking... and then BAM... out of nowhere, the name Richard came to mind. It's perfect! When I'm referring to the little shit on my brain, causing a bunch of ruckus... I could refer to him as Richard without other's knowing. That way, it didn't make it awkward when I'd refer to my "brain tumour" but to "Richard". Also, when he was being bad... aka headaches, side effects of such a tumour - we'd call him "Dick". Perfect name for him.
Richard basically made my body think I was already pregnant and didn't release the appropriate hormones to get pregnant. I wasn't ovulating and therefore, couldn't conceive.
My diagnosis Doctor put me on medication that... let's just say... made me completely dependent on my hubby. I couldn't drive, I couldn't even wash my own hair - it made me so dizzy. So... with that type of affect, I decided to go off of it and deal with what life was to hand to me.
After a year of "trying" with no babies, I was then referred to the SOFT clinic - best place on the planet... this is where they baste you with sperm and whatnot if that's the route you have to go. We went thru our options and decided that it was just best to wait a little bit longer until we were aching for children (at this point, we were still house hunting, calming our raging dog, and saving up)...
All-in-all, we made the decision to just wait it out for a year or so... and go from there. They said that in order to get pregnant (aka knocked-up)... I would have to be on medication and do all this crap to help ovulate and yadda yadda yadda. It happens... whatevs..
So Darrin and I got over the idea of not having a child naturally. Although it was devastating at first (for me, at least... being a woman that can't do something she was put on this planet to do, naturally)... we actually warmed up to the idea of having complete control over when we have children!... or so we thought...
Sunday, January 13th McD and I went for dinner; which was a regular occurrence for us. I mean, why not? It's not like we're having a child to save up for! HA! Now... don't get me wrong... I enjoy my wine and martini's, but at no point was this an issue... I enjoyed my alcoholic beverages the normal amount... so there's no need to judge when I say that I was enjoying my favourite dirty, vodka martini on a Sunday night, lol. But my GOD was it fantastic.
... on the way home, I had mentioned to Darrin that the whole week beforehand that I was having weird cramps. Now... having been told for almost two years that I couldn't have children... as a woman, it just happens to be the first thing that pops in your head no matter what the symptoms. A woman can get a dream of babies and think she's pregnant. Or irregular bleeding and think she's pregnant. She can crave Fruit Loops and pickles with peanut butter ice cream and think she's pregnant (all, by the way, are side-effects of a period - we're lucky, us girls). But I felt that just to be safe... I'd take the test. Now... keep in mind, the cramps all week lead me to making an appointment with my family Doctor who I had an appointment to see on the Tuesday; at which appointment I would tell her I thought I was dying and ask to go back on the pill until McD and I decided it was time to pop out a child.
Now... I must say that although I went to the store, bought a pregnancy test and took it home - at no point was this a concern for me. I get that I took the time out of my day, and the money out of my bank account to do this... but it was really just the process of elimination. I literally said and felt that it's going to come back negative; which in turn, meant I was dying.
That comment may sound ridiculous... but when you're 18 years old and suffer from migraines and determine on your own that you have a brain tumour, have everyone laugh at you... and then 6 years later get diagnosed with one... you kind of think you're right on everything going forward, lol.
ANYWAY... I peed on the stick, as suggested (by the way... not that I did... but don't do this with your hubby or boyfriend in the room with you - there is nothing sexy or graceful about the pose you are about to do... there is no need for anyone to witness this, not even yourself).
I stood in the bathroom, with the door closed watching the light blue run across the "screen". Now, being a 25 year old woman, I've taken a few tests in my day... so I knew what to expect and expected to see... what I expected. But when I saw the horizontal line go across the vertical (indicating a + sign)... I nearly died. DIED. The feeling was heart pounding, hand-over-mouth, disbelief and "how the hell do I tell Darrin this?"
...the whole moment you see on TV of a wife coming into the room saying really excited "we're pregnant" or waiting for the perfect time to say this amazing news is complete bullshit... at least for me. Maybe I'm lacking the sentimental component to all of this, but I came out of the bathroom to Darrin pouring me a glass of wine, with a stick soaked in pee, and my other hand over my mouth (which... to be honest, I'm not even sure I washed my hands)... and said "I'm f***ing pregnant!" and he turned to me and said "no shit!". Needless to say, he was far more excited than I. We hugged it out while I bawled my eyes out in disbelief... and although my unborn child NEVER needs to know this... it was because I was scared shitless and knew there was no turning back... this thing had to exit thru my vagina and then I had to raise it.
I sound horrible, but let's be honest... finding out your pregnant, AFTER BEING TOLD YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN... is a scary friggin thing... not to mention the martini's I was enjoying!
Now, being pregnant for 6 months... I will say that I couldn't be happier and recognize that this little bundle of kicking, hiccuping, nauseating, joy is a true miracle and I'm so beyond excited to meet him, snuggle him, and watch him grow into a mini-McD.
So... that's how it happened... I have no idea how. I don't ovulate, and never went on any medicine to help with fertility... so... this is a miracle (not an immaculate conception - no no)... but still, it was clearly meant to be. Also, please note: I never drank that glass of wine McD was pouring me, and I haven't had any alcohol since - it just so happens... that I had a martini the night I found out. Bite me, many women have... I'm no exception.
With the above story... which I totally intended on being short and to the point... I will continue on with my pregnancy stories as they happen. Everyone has a different pregnancy... thoughts... feelings.
I may add that I hate every woman who has been knocked-up and didn't feel any nausea and walked around all joyful and glowing. For me... that was completely bullish*t and I envy all the woman who got to experience a wonderful pregnancy. Damn you.
The past 6 months have been interesting... meaning, barfing, migraines, barfing... and barfing. I've never spent so much time with a toilet... I actually started having dreams (when I was able to actually sleep) of falling face-first into a toilet bowl, that's how much time I was spending in one. The migraines were so horrible that I would lay in bed for days at a time and were so painful that the thought of just peeing the bed seemed better than getting out of bed to use the washroom. Note: I never actually went thru with the bed-wetting, but I did consider it. Luckily, the days of barfing became fewer, and although I'm 6 months pregnant now... I still have days of barf... but it's like... once a week. So... it's better.
Now... the newest thing is kicking... my belly moves! It's crazy but I love it. Now... again, maybe I'm different... but when women blow smoke up your ass and tell you that it's the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful feeling... they're full of shit. Perhaps I'm wrong... but it's cool... and weird... and kind of "wtf!?" when it happens at times. Sometimes you're laying on the couch and suddenly feel a wave of movement in your belly... and at first you're like "awe... he's awake!" but then you're like "dear GOD there's a human being inside of me right now!" It can get to you, lol. It's a weird concept to think that I'm GROWING a person... inside my uterus, that has eyes, ears, fingers, toes, a brain... like... it's weird... let's be honest. Amazing... and weird. It's been a struggle, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It truly IS an experience... and is something you cannot explain... I just wouldn't use "beautiful" while you're barfing at the grocery store, or "wonderful" when the baby kicks your urethra and makes you pee... on yourself.
That's all for now.
The past 6 months have been interesting... meaning, barfing, migraines, barfing... and barfing. I've never spent so much time with a toilet... I actually started having dreams (when I was able to actually sleep) of falling face-first into a toilet bowl, that's how much time I was spending in one. The migraines were so horrible that I would lay in bed for days at a time and were so painful that the thought of just peeing the bed seemed better than getting out of bed to use the washroom. Note: I never actually went thru with the bed-wetting, but I did consider it. Luckily, the days of barfing became fewer, and although I'm 6 months pregnant now... I still have days of barf... but it's like... once a week. So... it's better.
Now... the newest thing is kicking... my belly moves! It's crazy but I love it. Now... again, maybe I'm different... but when women blow smoke up your ass and tell you that it's the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful feeling... they're full of shit. Perhaps I'm wrong... but it's cool... and weird... and kind of "wtf!?" when it happens at times. Sometimes you're laying on the couch and suddenly feel a wave of movement in your belly... and at first you're like "awe... he's awake!" but then you're like "dear GOD there's a human being inside of me right now!" It can get to you, lol. It's a weird concept to think that I'm GROWING a person... inside my uterus, that has eyes, ears, fingers, toes, a brain... like... it's weird... let's be honest. Amazing... and weird. It's been a struggle, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It truly IS an experience... and is something you cannot explain... I just wouldn't use "beautiful" while you're barfing at the grocery store, or "wonderful" when the baby kicks your urethra and makes you pee... on yourself.
That's all for now.
hahaha
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